Valentine's Day: Red From Ashes
Valentine's Day is marked by a shopping spree. In Luanda, Lisbon, and Rio de Janeiro, the month of February is tinged with red. Stores take advantage of this opportunity to "make a killing," and their windows display hearts, chocolates, and promotions, with products aimed almost exclusively at women, revealing the reality that the celebration is far from romantic.
Initially based on an idea of love and passion, originating in the myth of Saint Valentine, Valentine's Day has become a stage for financial pressures, gender inequality and social exclusion.
“The date is no longer about love, it’s about obligation” – said Carla Mendes, a Mozambican sociologist.
Cleusa Yange, store owner Be Yourself, criticizes the irony of the date, in which commercialization, according to her, overrides the original meaning of celebrating love.
“I know it's Valentine's Day, if I had a boyfriend it would be another day to be with him, but I see that the date has lost its true meaning.”.
In Angola, where the tradition of gift-giving is strong, men feel obliged to spend money they don't have to please their partners, but deep down they let it all out:
“If I don’t buy a gift, I’m called ‘stingy.’ But where’s her gift for me?”
The tradition of giving gifts on this date, though noble, has become one-sided. Men are pressured to spend, while women are encouraged to wait for the pampering. A 2024 survey revealed that men spend money on this date on flowers, chocolates, or lunches/dinners. The question remains: why do men continue to be the sole providers of material romance?
The Commercial Machine of Love
Valentine's Day generates billions of dollars globally. In the CPLP (Portuguese Communist Party), businesses exploit stereotypes to sell. In Angola, the Xyami Shopping Fair in Luanda offers "romantic packages" ranging from Kz 15.000 (dinner for two) to Kz 500.000 (trips to tourist destinations).
The pressure to give women gifts on this holiday is currently present worldwide, but it takes on unique dimensions in the CPLP. In Brazil, 68% of men feel forced to spend more than they can afford, according to a 2024 study.
In Portugal, stores like Heart of Gold record sales 300% higher than usual in February. In Mozambique, the Maputo Love Fair attracts thousands of couples, but few question: “Why do only men buy?”. The answer lies in social norms that cross continents.
“Men make up 80% of buyers. Many take out loans to pay.”.
Maria Sousa, the event manager, reveals that in Brazil, the jewelry sector sees a 40% sales spike during this period, according to the Brazilian Jewelers Association. Advertising campaigns reinforce outdated gender roles. Perfume ads, such as those by the brand Pure love, show women receiving gifts from smiling men.
“These ads create the idea that love is measured by the price of the packaging”.
Angolan economist Teresa Paulo criticizes. In Cape Verde, an analysis of 100 advertisements from 2024 showed that 92% were aimed at men as buyers. The exception is the brand Arco-Íris, which launched a campaign featuring same-sex couples but faced boycotts from conservative groups.
In countries with fragile economies, such as Guinea-Bissau and São Tomé, the cost of celebrations is unsustainable. Mamadu Sane, a vendor in Bissau, explained:
"A romantic dinner costs 75.000 XOF, almost half my salary. But if I don't invite my girlfriend, she thinks I don't love her.".
The solution for many is credit. In Angola, 35% of personal debts are incurred in February, according to the National Bank of Angola. The tradition of "collecting gifts" after marriage is also problematic. The idea that “a woman, even if married, is still a girlfriend” legitimizes unilateral demands, ignoring that dating evolves into mutual commitments.
"In rural Angolan communities, this wasn't talked about 30 years ago. Now, even in the grocery stores, you see cards.".
Angolan historian Manuel Bento explains: The adoption was not accompanied by critical reflection, allowing sexism and consumerism to shape the celebrations.
“Gift-giving should be spontaneous, not a gender-based obligation.” – Francisco Lopes-Santos.
Men Under Pressure
“If You Don't Spend, It's Because You Don't Love Me”.
The phrase is repeated from São Paulo to Benguela. Men are pressured to prove their love through material possessions.
“It's a public test: if you don't give an expensive gift, you're less of a man.”.
Portuguese psychologist Rui Costa stated. In Mozambique, a survey of 500 men revealed that 73% feel judged by social media if they don't post photos of themselves with expensive gifts. The obligation to spend generates stress. In Brazil, a study by the University of São Paulo (2024) associated Valentine's Day with spikes in male anxiety.
“Many patients report fear of disappointing their partner”.
Clinical psychologist Ana Lúcia Ferreira confirms that in Angola, the suicide of a young man in Luanda, after being unable to buy a cell phone for his girlfriend, sparked debate on social media about the toxicity of expectations.
The tradition of giving gifts to wives on Valentine's Day also perpetuates inequality. In some rural Angolan communities, husbands are expected to offer cloths or goats. In cities, gifts such as smartphones or trips are common.
“If I don’t comply, my family says I’m a bad husband.”, a husband vented.
“Marriage shouldn't be a continuation of dating, but many men feel that pressure never ends.”, explained anthropologist Fátima Camará.
Valentine's Day, originally a celebration of love, has become a consumer machine. People confuse love with spending money. It's sad to see how the essential is lost. The day that should unite ends up dividing: men are pressured to buy, women are pressured to wait, and LGBTQ+ couples are ignored.
LGBTQ+: Love on the Edge
While stores display heterosexual couples, LGBTQ+ relationships are erased. In Luanda, the store House of Love sold 500 cards in 2024, none with inclusive messages.“We have gay customers, but we can't alienate other buyers”.
An anonymous employee explained. In Mozambique, where homosexuality was decriminalized in 2015, advertising campaigns still avoid depicting LGBTQ+ relationships, and in Brazil, only 5% of advertising campaigns in 2024 included same-sex couples. This commercial silence reinforces the idea that only certain loves deserve celebration.
“Love is universal, but marketing doesn’t reflect that”, criticizes João Matos, a human rights activist.
In countries where homosexuality is criminalized or stigmatized, celebrating the holiday is dangerous. In Angola, despite decriminalization in 2021, same-sex couples avoid public displays.
Some initiatives challenge exclusion. In Cape Verde, the store Arco-Íris launched a line of rainbow-colored bracelets and cards with neutral messages: “Love is love, no labels”. The initiative was praised, but it is still a minority one.
Digital platforms have proven to be the solution and have become safe havens. In Mozambique, the hashtag #AmorNãoTemGénero went viral in 2024, with several couples sharing their stories. However, the online environment is also hostile: 60% of inclusive posts received negative comments, according to the NGO. CPLP Diversity.
Experiences vs. Objects
Psychologists argue that gifts should be exchanged for moments. “A walk on the beach or a conversation without cell phones is worth more than jewelry”, suggested Angolan therapist Luísa Campos. In Portugal, the couple Sofia and Tiago celebrated their last Valentine's Day by volunteering:"In 2024, we distributed food to the homeless. It was our best Valentine's Day ever.".
Brands that dare to embrace diversity reap the benefits. Arco-Íris from Cape Verde saw sales rise 30% after launching LGBTQ+ products. “The market is changing, and those who don't adapt will be left behind”, warned Brazilian marketing consultant Rodrigo Almeida.
Schools in Angola and Mozambique have started including debates about Valentine's Day. “We teach that love has no gender and that giving gifts is optional.”, explains Angolan teacher Dulce Maria. In São Tomé, children create cards to give to family and friends, not just boyfriends.
Several activists are pressuring governments to regulate sexist advertising. In Portugal, a bill proposed fining brands that exclude LGBTQ+ couples or reinforce stereotypes. “It’s a small step, but a necessary one”, argues deputy Isabel Cardoso.
But How Did the Day Come About?
The origins of Valentine's Day are obscure, but it may have begun with one of two distinct traditions: the story of Saint Valentine (the best known) and the Roman festival of Lupercalia.
The best-known version involves Saint Valentine, a bishop who disobeyed Emperor Claudius II by celebrating marriages in secret, contravening the prohibition imposed on soldiers not to marry so as not to create family ties.
Discovered, he was arrested and sentenced to death. In prison, he fell in love with the jailer's blind daughter. When he was about to be executed, Bishop Valentine gave the young woman a love letter in which he bid her farewell, signing it "from your Valentine." Miraculously, the blind young woman regained her sight, just as the Bishop was killed, and was able to read the letter proclaiming Valentine as her boyfriend.
After being canonized, February 14, the date of his execution, was chosen to celebrate his memory, but the Catholic Church removed his commemoration from the liturgical calendar in 1969 due to the lack of historical evidence regarding his existence.
Lupercalia was a Roman festival of purification and fertility that took place in February. On the 14th, the eve of the main festivities, priests performed rituals involving striking women with leather straps to increase their fertility. Pope Gelasius I attempted to abolish the festival, ridiculing it, and established February 14th as the Feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Interestingly, it was Pope Gelasius I who canonized Saint Valentine and assigned him February 14th as his feast day in the traditional liturgical calendar. This invalidates the claim that Valentine's Day originated with Saint Valentine, as Gelasius I, eager as he was to end the Lupercalia festivities, clearly used Saint Valentine to eliminate them.
However, this did not happen, as at that time there was no association between Saint Valentine and Valentine's Day, which ends up being ironic, as this is the date that "lovers" believe they are celebrating.
In reality, Valentine's Day first appeared in the United States of America (USA) in 1840, as Saint Valentine's Day, created by Esther Howland on February 14th and which, with a strong advertising campaign, using the story of Saint Valentine as a backdrop, managed to sell 5.000 dollars in greeting cards, a high amount at the time.
The date gained traction again in the US in 1950, with new marketing campaigns, and has been celebrated continuously since then. In Africa, the date has gained traction in recent decades, driven by globalization.
Conclusion
Love Doesn't Fit in a Plastic Heart
Valentine's Day urgently needs a reinvention. The day that should celebrate genuine connections and passions has become a barometer of inequality. Love is not bought, it is built.
Whether through inclusive campaigns, family dialogues, or simple gestures of reciprocity, change is possible. “We don’t need to destroy the date, but to humanize it”, proposes activist João Matos. The road is long, but, as some initiatives in Cape Verde, Brazil, and Angola demonstrate, it has already begun.
See also:
February 14th. Valentine's Day. Why?
February 14th is not just Valentine's Day
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